Lunaxis

I really have a bad habit of saying “YES” to requests/favors from friends and families, even though my schedule’s very tight already. Though maybe it’s was the way I was brought up or a habit I may have picked up somewhere. Anyway, I usually get more than I bargain for… multiple deadlines to meet on the same day. X_x

For the past few months I have been attending our Buddhist meets on some Sundays. It’s like one of those bible studies but in Buddhist’s settings. Few weeks back we were each given a topic to read and report on from a book given to us titled, “The Carefree Life“. It’s actually a pretty good book on how to live life with less or no worries, how to interact with other people! Basically, everything written on the book describes how one should properly act base on the events unfolding in front of him/her. The attitude of each person determines whether happiness or problem arise.

I’ll post the others as I read through them but for now I’ll be posting the summary of my report… “The Art of Saying ‘NO’“.

by Venerable Master Hsing Yun, from his book “The Carefree Life”

How to say ‘No’ and how to refuse others tactfully is a skillful art. When others ask us to do something that we cannot deliver, we have no choice but to refuse. However, it is hard to refuse others.

Suggestions on how to decline others when we absolutely must:

1. Do Not Decline Immediately – it can give others the impression that we are cold and have preconceived notions about them. One must give some thoughts on that person request.
2. Do Not Decline Recklessly – we could lose many opportunities to help others and to make friends.
3. Do Not Decline Angrily – we can hurt others’ feelings and make them think that we are unsympathetic.
4. Do Not Decline Callously – they may feel slighted, which in turn can create bad feelings among all.
5. Do Not Decline Cold-Heartedly – without any room to negotiate, it can embarass others and can possibly turn them into enemies.
6. Do Not Decline Arrogantly – No one wants to be close to one who is arrogant* and disrespectful to others. It is especially hard to accept when someone really needs our help and we turn this person down arrogantly.
7. Decline Tactfully – this way, they will be touched by our sincerity and truthfulness.
8. Decline with a Smile – it is important that we act friendly and with respect. This allows others to maintain their dignity and accept our refusal more easily.
9. Decline with and Alternative – suggest an alternative way that we can help them. In this way, they will be thankful for our thoughtfulness.
10. Decline with a Solution – although we may not be able to help a person when he/she asks us for help, we can offer him a solution.
11. Decline Helpfully – eventhough we may not be able to help him in this instance, we may be able to help him in some other way. This shows wisdom and compassion on our part.

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* Arrogant